I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
