She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
