i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
