I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So vagazzling was a success
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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