See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
