did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
