New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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