No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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