How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
In America we eat man semen.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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