it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Houston, we have a blender
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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