don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
3 2 1 whiskey
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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