Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
