went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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