ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
