I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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