I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
