Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
