How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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