You can't special order awesome
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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