New invention idea: vibrating tampons
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
