You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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