a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
