there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
don't judge my taste in strippers
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
