my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We are all done wearing pants today
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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