I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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