When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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