Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
