I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
