so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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