the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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