why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
