Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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