dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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