just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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