Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
