i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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