So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
love makes seman taste better
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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