Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
