Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
