I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
