We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
