I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
