It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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