Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
