can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
