My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
