Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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