shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
