Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
