Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
