my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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