I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
