Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
